Save Point 20: The NYGP
Alternate Title: Joe does free work for the richest sporting organization in the world
We are officially at the point of time at which I remember that Chicago will host a NASCAR race in a few months. While I no longer have the general Northeasterner’s distaste for stock car racing — I watched all of Talladega and just look at this finish in Atlanta —this newfound respect for the sport has only strengthened my belief that the Chicago race is a farce. Last year’s race was a sloppy mess and it only exists because NASCAR sought to capitalize on Formula 1’s post-pandemic American popularity by stealing one of the facets that only really works for Formula 1: street racing.
Forget that said popularity was because of fun and interesting personalities showcased in Netflix’s Drive to Survive — NASCAR’s milquetoast and unmarketable personalities have been an issue for the sport for decades now — or that the smaller, more agile F1 cars are fitted for smaller streets while stock cars had their origins on wide dirt roads in the American south. There’s a good reason that the Chicago race was NASCAR’s first street race in its 76-year history. I asked some of my NASCAR-fan (tire-knowers?) friends who agreed that the course is, and I quote, “ass.”
It’s a shame, because I think downtown Chicago would make a really good Formula One course. If they closed the same streets and made an F1 track out of the loop, it would probably be genuinely entertaining. Speaking of “out of the loop,” it would also bring in truckloads more money.
Chicago will likely never host an F1 race. Thanks to untenable wind, city politicians who have tethered themselves to a style of racing that doesn’t fit any major city, and its lack of cultural import (compared to the kinds of places F1 goes, wet beef sandwich elitists please don’t get mad at me), it doesn’t fit the F1 modus operandi.
Still, I believe there’s need for a new American street course. The Las Vegas GP was a success last year, but track safety issues marred most of the weekend. Miami basically exists in the parking lot of Hard Rock Stadium, which is already 40 minutes outside of Miami proper without event traffic. Neither of these are going anywhere in the near future, but if Formula 1 wants to continue growing in the U.S., why not add a new race in the states?
Also maybe stop the Red Bull from winning every race by 20 seconds but we’ll deal with that later
If they were to do that, it only makes sense to hold that race in America’s premiere city — the one Europeans visit first, the one with tourist attractions and landmarks recognizable by anyone, whether they’re readers of 20th century classic literature or watchers of Marvel movies.
That’s right. Today, we’re making the Providence, Rhode Island Grand Pr—
Ah, um, the spider in my apartment handed me the wrong card. It’s New York. Of course it’s New York.
A few ground rules:
The track must be between 2.5 and 4 miles.
There must be between 10 and 25 turns.
Any and all streets are valid. We will try to avoid tunnels, but I don’t think this will be an issue. As funny as it would be to send F1 cars through the Lincoln tunnel, I can’t think of any road more prone to breaking apart mid-race.
There must be requisite space for a paddock, pit lane, and decent viewing angles for spectators.
Street Width will be loosely considered, but not that much because that’s simply too hard to determine with free software
Roads/Highways with barriers will be avoided as best they can. I tried for far too long to create a track that would force the most expensive cars in the world to drive the Van Wyck Expressway, but it just wasn’t working.
A lot of the courses you’ll see have some very tight, 90 degree corners. These could be softened on a real track, but I’m using a very basic web-based mapping software, and the richest sporting organization in the history of the world isn’t paying me for this, so they better just take what they can get.
I don’t care about street closures. We will close whatever streets we want and the city will say “thank you for this $1 billion check, FIA!”
This is for fun. If you comment anything along the lines of “this isn’t realistic because x or y” I will find out where you live and stand in your front yard for six hours with an outstretched thumbs-down and a disapproving look on my face.
With all that out of the way: here are five options for the future New York City Formula 1 Grand Prix.
Track 1: The Uncle Stevie Flushing Grand Prix
Track Length: 3.47 miles — comparable to Circuito de Monsanto
Turns: 14
Direction: Anti-clockwise
I figured we should start with one that is at least mildly realistic. If anyone is going to lead the charge for an ultra-expensive sporting event in New York, I’d be hard pressed to find someone better than Mets owner Steve Cohen. He’s shown a willingness to throw money at anything he thinks will elevate the presence of the Mets and Flushing; Queens is going to be the new home of NYCFC, so accepting money from Middle Eastern sovereign wealth funds is totally on the table. Great news for F1.
F1 has come to American cities and raced in parking lots before, and we don’t want to repeat those disasters. This isn’t a Mets 5k where you get to run around the bases at the end. Instead of racing at Citi Field, we’re going to move to the shadow of it in Flushing proper.
The race will start on Roosevelt and then go on so many numbered streets that Martin Brundle will sound like a calculator in the commentary booth. The cars will turn onto 38th because I like the small bend in the road, then spend a little time on Northern Blvd because I think it’s funny. A final straightaway on College Point Blvd next to the scenic Flushing Creek — okay, that’s a joke, but really: it’s a great chance for drone shots of Citi Field and Flushing Meadows Park, which will get the Gov Ball treatment for race weekend.
The Omnisphere and Billie Jean King center provide popular landmarks for the European race-watchers to understand, and it brings worldwide attention to a borough that doesn’t usually get it. Seems like a fantastic opportunity, Mr. Cohen! Make Action Bronson the Grand Marshal!
The only question about this race is whether the most expensive racing vehicles in the world can break speed records set by 1993 Nissan Altimas with no mufflers driving down Roosevelt in the middle of the day. I give them a 50/50 shot.
Track 2: The Two Bridges Course
Track Length: 3.9 miles — comparable to Las Vegas Strip Circuit
Turns: 11
Direction: Anti-Clockwise
I figured I’d start with a semi-realistic one before I fire off my favorite — and probably least viable — course.
As the title says, this race will involve two straightaways: the Brooklyn and Manhattan Bridges. The race will start on Centre Street by Federal Plaza before turning onto the Brooklyn Bridge, driving down the Boulevard to Tillary, then taking the Flatbush Ave. Extension to another long straightaway on the Manhattan Bridge. Off the bridge to Bowery, a few more turns onto Worth and Centre to meet our turn quota, and boom. You’ve got a wild course with ridiculous inclines and declines.
On the positive, this would look phenomenal. You could have the ultra-rich fans and influencers on the pedestrian side of the Brooklyn Bridge, watching the action from above. Downtown Manhattan would be bustling, and DUMBO would rake in millions of dollars. The multi-borough race would show off more of New York than any of the other tracks here. Imagine ferries on the East River packed like yachts in Monaco.
Is this remotely possible? Remotely, yeah, sure, I guess. Realistically… how do you think these ultra-aerodynamic cars will handle the wind on either of these bridges? It’s all fun and games until Kevin Magnussen gives a light bump and sends Lance Stroll tumbling into the East River to meet the thousands of other bodies there. We’ll add some extra-high barriers to make it work.
Track 3: Midtown, aka the “Billions of dollars in ad placement” Grand Prix
Track Length: 3.41 miles — comparable to Valencia Street Circuit
Turns: 9
Direction: Anti-clockwise
Times Square ads for the most expensive sport in the world. Need I say more?
I don’t, but I will. This was the track that tested my tunnel rule; I really wanted to find a way to send the F1 grid down the Park Avenue Tunnel, but I couldn’t make it work. Instead, we’re going to bisect Park Avenue twice — first on 51st then on 40th on the way back.
The race will instead start on Lexington Avenue, mainly because I think it would be funny to scare the ultra-rich F1 crowd by making them stand by a place selling $2.50 (cash-only) slices.
Fear not, we will appease that crowd multiple times. A large portion of the race will be held on 5th Avenue, so the Louis store better get some extra stock. We’ll turn off of 5th onto 42nd Street — right by Grand Central and en route to Times Square. From 42nd Street we turn onto Broadway for a few blocks, turn on 36th Street until 7th Avenue, then down a few blocks solely so we can have the course turn right next to Madison Square Garden. We end up northbound on 5th Avenue because, again, super rich people. From 5th we turn up on 40th to create a little block of spectator space at Bryant Park.
This, to me, feels like the best option. You get countless landmarks: Times Square, MSG, the Empire State Building, Grand Central, and all of 5th Avenue. You could sell the billboards in Times Square for twice the price of a 30-second Super Bowl ad. Even if you didn’t, you could put the race order up on one of them for spectators. Watch parties from the local skyscrapers would abound.
The financial gains are genuinely innumerable and the course itself seems doable. Take that second part with a grain of salt; this is coming from someone who can barely drive on the highway without a white-knuckle grip.
Track 4: Brooklyn, aka the Joe Tsai Circuit
Track Length: 3.63 miles — comparable to Baku City Circuit
Turns: 12
Direction: Anti-Clockwise
I tried to get this course into one of the trendy neighborhoods. Williamsburg is bisected by I-278. Bed-Stuy and Bushwick have train tracks that make it hard to chart a course. As much as the FIA loves waterfront courses, Cobble Hill and Brooklyn Heights are again hurt by I-278’s presence. This exercise has only affirmed my hatred for Robert Moses.
Instead, we will simply leverage the Brooklyn name. This race will start on Atlantic & Flatbush: right by the Barclays Center, a building that seems like it was made to hold F1 festivities. Maybe by the time this race happens the Nets will have another 43-win superteam to attend the race. Or go with the genuinely-better option and have Sabrina Ionescu and the Liberty at the race as the reps of a Joe Tsai-owned basketball team.
The track goes by Grand Army Plaza to add some variety to the grid-based nature of most of these tracks. We will drive by the tree-lined streets of Prospect Park West, ignoring any effects that fallen leaves may have on these fragile vehicles. Turn right off of Prospect on to 9th Street, then 7th Avenue, then a few side streets that break up the pacing. The turn from Baltic to Butler to 4th Avenue is my favorite part.
This would undoubtedly be a… different part of New York than what F1 would probably prefer. If the money’s there, though, why not? Make the call, Mr. Tsai. You dropped tens of millions on Kyrie Irving and James Harden. This can’t possibly be a worse investment.
Track 5: The Insider Trading Course
Track Length: 3.17 miles — comparable to Marina Bay Street Circuit
Turns: 13
Direction: Clockwise
Imagine this: while the cars race down Broadway, 40 stories up team owners drink champagne with Wall Street moguls and singlehandedly cripple the economy of a developing nation. That’s what I imagine Wall Street people dream about, and that’s why we’re bringing F1 to FiDi.
It also serves as a different course compared to many of our other options thanks to the tip of Manhattan being less grid-based than the rest of the city.
This track starts on the intersection of Water and Wall Street for publicity’s sake. It could go either direction — I have no clue if drivers would prefer the big bend be a right- or left-hand turn. I went with right because every other track is anti-clockwise. Either way, you get a long straightaway down Broadway followed by a turn onto Canal Street and a few tricky turns at the tail end of the track. If you can make it past the Bowery-Pearl hairpin, you’re in the clear for another straight line towards the start/finish line.
The track itself offers a picturesque view of the city, going under the Brooklyn Bridge at one point and offering plenty of viewing space at The Battery on the tip of the island. The grid would go right past the World Trade Center, too. It offers a lot of the same benefits as the Two Bridges track without the risks of going 200 miles per hour down the Manhattan Bridge on a windy day.
Bernie Ecclestone is a figure who lurks over Formula One’s history. The 93-year-old British magnate led the Formula One Constructor’s Association (FOCA) for decades. The “Controversies” section of his Wikipedia page is twice as long as his career section — that’s all you really need to know about him right now.
He is the one who led the charge towards a few infamous American Grand Prix’s. Detroit’s always-breaking street circuit, the scorching 1984 Dallas Grand Prix, the short-lived Phoenix street circuit, and a 2005 race in Indianapolis where 14 of 20 drivers refused to race — just to name a few. The most successful event was in Phoenix, but Formula One left with little more than a faxed message to the mayor from Ecclestone, likely because they wanted to hold a race in post-apartheid South Africa.
Chase Carey is the leader of the Formula One Group. He is, in essence, Ecclestone’s successor. Shortly after his introduction, he criticized Ecclestone’s tactics in the U.S. with the following:
“You have to capture people’s imagination. You don’t do that with Phoenix, but in New York or Miami.”
What do you say, Formula One? Let’s capture some more imaginations.
Your analysis of NASCAR is pretty spot on. Sadly Indy Car follows closely behind. Old school CART series was the last time Indy Cars were relevant. F1 is clearly the best of the bunch, but All Max, All Day gets old. I really like the track layouts you proposed. Great creativity.
I have a challenge for you Joe. Try Washington, DC. Must include DuPont Circle, Constitution Avenue and M Street.